Valuable quotes

"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow." ~~

"The minute you start talking about what you're going to do if you lose, you've already lost." ~~

Cree Prophecy - "When all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money." ~~

Friday, March 16, 2007

My Dad is gone...

Dads favorite flowers, oh, how he loved tulips and Irises! He insisted that this painting stay on the dining room wall for as long as I can recall.

Phase one

The biggest fallacy about preparing yourself for a loved one’s death, is believing that you’re actually prepared. You’re an intelligent adult, you have all the facts; you know the ‘timeline’ given by the doctors, and you can expect something to happen. Sadly, expect only means that something is likely to occur. In no way does that mean we are prepared.

Even after we see the evidence of the disease winning, our heart continues to hold onto the belief that something will change and it is all just a matter of finding that right medicine or perfect combination of drugs; or that much better, more knowledgeable doctor. You know the one, the guy that gives you the ‘right’ diagnosis…the diagnosis you want to hear? Those words “We have the ability to make everything better and it will be okay” and then you no longer have to worry.
We hear about it happening; why not for us?

Good people shouldn’t have to die, we say, and rob the world of their grace and kindness. That’s just wrong and not the way it should be at all! Modern medicine can conquer almost everything now. This is no different, is it?

As long as you’re having any of these thoughts, you are not preparing.
Not that there is any true preparedness anyway, as I found out yesterday.

Phase two - Wednesday March 14th 2007

My Dad died. All that preparation. Yes, it’s coming sometime. As each day passed I felt myself bracing every time the phone rang. “I am prepared though. It will not take me by surprise, nor will it shock me. I am prepared”.
I was not.

It almost seemed criminal that it happened on an unseasonably warm and sunny day with not a cloud in the sky. No, no, this isn’t right either. It should be dismal and rainy. Cold and cloudy, not a happy pleasant day! This scene is all wrong.

And worse, I heard it the wrong way - on my cell phone - that the call came on my cell phone was utterly unpardonable! My ringtone is Aerosmiths “Walk This Way”. It should be something somber and fitting of my Dad’s passing.

But then I stopped thinking about myself and thought about how Dad would see all this. He would want it to be sunny and pleasant; he would be happy that the day wasn’t all Gothic and gloomy. He was mystified by the kids into Goth, saying they were lost and whiny souls seeking attention. Looking to be different by all being the same.
He certainly wasn't that, nor was his life! His favorite quote was “You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.” Spoken like a true Irishman.
Why I would feel that any day involving him be dreary, I don't know. His life certainly wasn’t!

I can just hear him now, if I were to share with him that his exodus from this earth was announced by Aerosmith singing 'Walk This Way'! He would say “Cool! But watch that first step; it’s a real doozy!”

Phase three - Missing you Dad. You made every day shine.

For the consideration of family & friends...