Bailey

~ Bailey born October 11, 1998 Passed away Wednesday July 20, 2011 ~

I was going to begin this last night, but between the pain I was feeling and the loss of what I wanted to title it, I am beginning it a day late.

It's a funny thing how we always look for just the right title or banner when we want to post something new. Something of special importance. Yet, the most important thing of this post is Bailey, so that is simply what I've chosen to call this. It is fitting and I'm sure he would approve.

We acquired Bailey from a lady by the name of Nancy. She was a rescuer who would go to the local shelters every day and look at the times remaining on the animals cages. With the aid of her husband, she built a small barn & run for her rescued kitties and at her own expense, looked after them and tried to find homes for them. She did this with a lot of success as well.
We were looking for a play companion for our Jakey at home so went to see Nancy and brought Bailey home. Ironically, Jakey just passed away a few months back - Feb. 12, 2011. A double loss which is leaving me more than a little bit dazed.

Bailey was a unique puss. Small and determined, hard on walls and furniture and oh yes, on Jakey at times too. Due to his diminutive stature, I think he felt he had something to prove, and he picked the biggest boy in the house to make that point. A Napoleon Complex of sorts. It caused me a lot of concern over the years we had him, but if I could trade any of this sadness right now to get him back, ornery and all, I would do that in a heartbeat.

We knew something was amiss a couple of months ago when we found a mess on the carpet in the dining room. Since we have three other cats in the house, Trey, Darius and Milo, the last kitty we thought could have ever caused this mess though, was Bailey. Bailey was the fastidious one. Bailey was the one who would go back and make sure everyone else's stuff was covered up in the litter box. His nickname...Mr. Clean.

But we couldn't imagine the others doing this either, so after a lot of trial and error, we did finally face the fact that it was indeed Bailey. And by this time he had gotten so much worse.

We took him to our vet yesterday and learned that he had also lost a pound in a very short time, his heartbeat was rapid and he had what she called a mammoth murmur. All this on top of the creeping senility which was making him forget where things were - and worse, starting to fear inanimate objects like carpeting on stairs and certain toys. While we didn't feel it was time to lose him, Mother Nature had other ideas and she was calling all the shots.

I have never had to do anything like this before in my life. In fact, I've long been an advocate of letting a pets little clock tick down on it's own. Barring pain of course. If they were suffering then that had to be stopped. As we walked into the vets office I had flash back's of the tiny kitten he was and how happy we were to have saved his life. And now here we were all these years later about to take his life from him. When we talk about justice in life, so many times I have to ask where?
So hard!

Physically, Bailey was fine. To all outward appearances he looked the picture of health! He had so much energy and liked to do all the things he's always done. There were seemingly no changes except for the disease that was stealing his mind.

Bailey had also been through so much with us. Two cross country moves riding shotgun with us in the suv and not a complaint out of him. He was a trooper that's for sure. He provided more than a few laughs over the years too... He loved Xmas...the gifties from his own stocking, the little treat of egg nog on Xmas Eve and some turkey and gravy Xmas Day. How empty those days will feel now, even tho' we have our other boys, there is that upstart Bailey hole which will not be filled. Oh gawd this was so hard! It is hard now as I type with tears in my eyes and a painful lump in my throat.

I am not a religious person. I'm not sure I believe in afterlives or anything of that nature, but if there is one, I am hoping that Bailey is there and that there are lots of his favorite things. He loved to play with springs and little furry toy mice. He could amuse himself for hours with a little plastic curly thing. We were never at a loss of what to buy him...

I could reminisce for hours here but there are space and time restraints. Besides, I will continue to get sadder still and I need to start my healing process for my other little guys sakes. They are mystified too as to where both their brothers have gotten to.

Rest in peace Bailey. And if you've joined Jakey, go easy on him okay? =) We love you so much and will never forget you.

Alexei, I didn't even get to know you...

Gone at 19...

The shock of death is something we all know, man and beast alike. But when it steals someone from us that simply should not be gone, we stand baffled and confused by it. Grief, wishing to turn back time just a little to make it untrue. A mistaken report.

"He was an exceptionally talented kid," Grossman said. "He played in the Russian Elite League, in the men's league, even before he was drafted which in and of itself is an achievement. He was a self-motivated kid that had an inner confidence about him."





"He just laid back, passed out and went kind of white," - Alexei Cherepanov dead at age 19.
No! This makes no sense at all!

Sometimes there just are no adequate words and I won't try to come up with any. This is just so wrong on such an enormous scale. My condolences to his family. I can't imagine their pain right now...

R.I.P. Alexei. You touched my soul for whatever reasons I do not know, and the person who put together the YouTube video using Fix You by Coldplay must have felt the same way, because this song has always touched my soul too.

The words of a child...

I know what those who know me are going to be saying right now. 'Oh oh, the Tree Hugger is at it again'. Well yes, they're right. She is. As I drag my little soapbox over to stand on, I want to share this powerful video with you.




Can you watch and listen to her words and not feel a little shame, sadness or some guilt? Unless you are guiltless of any of the things she talks about, then you should be ashamed and sad...and feeling guilty.

We talk about making a better world for our children, and their children after them - but we wait for someone else to do that for us. We're too busy buying and disposing of the things we're tired of - last years 'had to have' items are now this years donation or trash.
And our lawns and properties...make them beautiful on the surface, as we kill what's underneath. Poisoning the earth and the waters - and our animals - and our children!

Others try to make a difference - to change attitudes and try and compel us to care for Mother Earth as we sit idly by clucking our tongues and saying how awful things are getting but never making any effort to change them ourselves.

What will it take to make a difference? Will it be the heartfelt words of just one single child? I wish I had more faith in mankind to believe it will because I don't think the words of even a million children would make a difference. But like anything in this life, we can live in the hope that one thing may just sink in before it's too late for all of us. Will it be this girls plea that makes that happen?

The Story of Stuff

This is an incredible little 20 minute tour guided by Annie Leonard through our wicked and wasteful ways. It tells how we got here and why, but also how we can reverse the trend before it annihilates us all. I will only be able to link you to the film as there is no code to bring it directly here.
But watch, please. It is funny and informative.

The Story of Stuff

STOP the nuclear bailout! A petition...

Please do this for yourself and the planet. It is such a small thing to do and has such a monumental result.



I thank you and the earth thanks you...

The Buffalo Field Campaign...

I can't bring myself to watch these videos more than once, but I feel compelled to post them here in the heartfelt hope that it will compel enough people to write, email, phone, march or whatever it takes to stop this practice...or that matter any of these practices! Who are we that we set ourselves up to 'manage' life?

The Buffalo Field Campaign removes any (small) steps we've made toward preserving things that share our country and our planet with us. Buffalo and wolves fall to our every whim to satisfy rich ranchers and/or are 'managed' due to illness & disease. My question is if they can shoot a bullet then why can't they shoot a vaccine? There are alternatives to so much that we do but as usual, they are being ignored. We haven't learned a damn thing, have we?

The World lost a little sparkle

I lost a good friend today. He was much too young to die at 38, but he did. We didn't always agree on our hockey teams, but always agreed on our music.

Mike Alexander was a huge Pink Floyd fan as well as a Maple Leafs fan, so combining that gave him his username on our hockey message board...FloydianLeaf. He was a really classy opponent for me to discuss the finer points of hockey with, always pointing out the good things but rarely the bad, preferring to look at things as needed tweaks rather than insurmountable faults. He stayed above the rest when posting at the Penguins board, never resorting to the more childish crap I so often saw.
His catchphrase was 'Shine Like a Diamond' & he surely did that!

Oh my, I am going to miss you, Mike! Sometimes we just aren't aware how much someone means to us until they've been taken away. How ironic that you decide to get fit, lose all those extra pounds by riding your bike & then when you're near your target, you die in a gym. It doesn't make any sense to me at all. It shouldn't have happened.

This one's for you, Mike. Teach them hockey wherever you land...

My Dad is gone...

Dads favorite flowers, oh, how he loved tulips and Irises! He insisted that this painting stay on the dining room wall for as long as I can recall.

Phase one –

The biggest fallacy about preparing yourself for a loved one’s death, is believing that you’re actually prepared. You’re an intelligent adult, you have all the facts; you know the ‘timeline’ given by the doctors, and you can expect something to happen. Sadly, expect only means that something is likely to occur. In no way does that mean we are prepared.

Even after we see the evidence of the disease winning, our heart continues to hold onto the belief that something will change and it is all just a matter of finding that right medicine or perfect combination of drugs; or that much better, more knowledgeable doctor. You know the one, the guy that gives you the ‘right’ diagnosis…the diagnosis you want to hear? Those words “We have the ability to make everything better and it will be okay” and then you no longer have to worry.
We hear about it happening; why not for us?

Good people shouldn’t have to die, we say, and rob the world of their grace and kindness. That’s just wrong and not the way it should be at all! Modern medicine can conquer almost everything now. This is no different, is it?

As long as you’re having any of these thoughts, you are not preparing.
Not that there is any true preparedness anyway, as I found out yesterday.

Phase two - Wednesday March 14th 2007

My Dad died. All that preparation. Yes, it’s coming sometime. As each day passed I felt myself bracing every time the phone rang. “I am prepared though. It will not take me by surprise, nor will it shock me. I am prepared”.
I was not.

It almost seemed criminal that it happened on an unseasonably warm and sunny day with not a cloud in the sky. No, no, this isn’t right either. It should be dismal and rainy. Cold and cloudy, not a happy pleasant day! This scene is all wrong.

And worse, I heard it the wrong way - on my cell phone - that the call came on my cell phone was utterly unpardonable! My ringtone is Aerosmiths “Walk This Way”. It should be something somber and fitting of my Dad’s passing.

But then I stopped thinking about myself and thought about how Dad would see all this. He would want it to be sunny and pleasant; he would be happy that the day wasn’t all Gothic and gloomy. He was mystified by the kids into Goth, saying they were lost and whiny souls seeking attention. Looking to be different by all being the same.
He certainly wasn't that, nor was his life! His favorite quote was “You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.” Spoken like a true Irishman.
Why I would feel that any day involving him be dreary, I don't know. His life certainly wasn’t!

I can just hear him now, if I were to share with him that his exodus from this earth was announced by Aerosmith singing 'Walk This Way'! He would say “Cool! But watch that first step; it’s a real doozy!”

Phase three - Missing you Dad. You made every day shine.